You know what really burns my biscuits? This rampant condition of the butt hurt variety currently plaguing America. You can dislike Kathy Griffin for her ginger nature or so called shitty brand of female comedy catering to the queer set or whatever other nasty things you wanna say about her, I suppose, but really, Trump Slayer? Come the Kellyanne Conway on. Ted Nugent made his feelings about “Not My President Obama” abundantly clear throughout his tenure and even with his penchant for guns and dead things, not once did I really consider him a threat. They’re both just people with a platform who have made a name via incendiary actions. Let it go. Bill Maher made a joke. You can debate the quality of it, but not the context. If that’s hate speech, then I better start washing my mouth out right now from all of the just kidding, not kidding, but am I kidding angry birds I let loose about our Flaming Cheeto Commander In Chief on the daily. Burnt biscuits never killed anyone and free speech doesn’t come with a warm fuzzies guarantee.
You know what really burns my biscuits? Toll lanes being slow lanes. Like if I pay for a bypass pass, I shouldn’t have to decelerate to school zone speeds to pass through the toll booth. The whole point is convenience and not having to be held up by quarter pillager wraiths haunting the hi-jacked highway. What’s the difference between me throwing change into an over-sized, glorified donation funnel? Zippa-dee-do-zip. I’m not looking for a road paved in gold, but I would like a little ease for my cheese. Burnt biscuits never killed anyone, but I might.
You know what really burns my biscuits? My fellow citizens losing their shit over every little thing. While no Sean Spicer fan girl, I find it hard to believe that his Hitler misstep was really the worst slur to have been visited upon the Jewish community ever. Like really? Ever guys? Was it beyond stupid/insensitive/incompatible with history? Absofuckinglutely! Should he lose his job? Meh, he defends dumb/false comments every single day, though I might add with a little less of the blinders on laser focus into Lie-ville that Kellyanne possesses. I mean, I do feel like there are some things that at this point you have to be working as the dullest, saddest crayon in the box to ever do. Like for instance, wear any form of black face or I don’t know, defend Hiter. Those seem like pretty safely understood bets to just stay the hell away from. Don’t do it! That shit is like Chernobyl! Even though you can wear a safety suit to protect you from all of that radioactive contamination to your career, it might be best to just never go there to begin with. That being said, if we lose our minds over every little thing, though wrong, though nobody died, Spicey just put his foot in his food hole about the circumstances in which people actually did, are we really accomplishing anything? Can’t we take a pause and save it for the big stuff? Burnt biscuits never killed anyone, but yes, Hitler did with gas.
You know what really burns my biscuits? Unnecessary disagreement. Those sour bum puckers that need to challenge every mundane statement that crosses their ears. It could be the weather or nothing or everything, they just feel this incessant need to have a rebuttal to anything ever uttered. It’s like they’re missing that, oh so important, human element that allows one to let information pass from one ear and out the other, processing instantaneously what actually requires a response. These half formed humanoids, never fail to trigger my eye roll mechanism along with wondering where a good plague is when you need one. Burnt biscuits never killed anyone but bubonic sounds bucolic to me.
You know what really burns my biscuits? Mitch McConnell. The way his mouth moves, like a stroke victim, that has had their jaw wired shut and the selfishly sinister chupasuckra that comes out of it, really makes me doubt the wisdom of the good people of Kentucky, who continually provide this turtle-like tit bag a reason to get up every morning. I know his speech is a little mumbly bumbly, but get a damn transcript people. Unless you’ve always wondered what it would be like to die from the black lung Pop, why would you vote for this smug civics strangling snapper? It’s not like you’ll have healthcare, or a decent wage or clean drinking water when this palsied poon pruner loggerheads his way right over basic human decencies. Burnt biscuits never killed anyone, but let’s try flipping that Kentucky fried tortoise.