i kind of like my growing-my-hair-out hair.
So i don’t want to make this seem like an announcement, because I don’t think it’s something so out of the ordinary that it needs it’s own proclamation.
However, i find it pretty exciting, and i know it will generate A SHIT TON of presumptions /assumptions /criticism /congratulations /disgust /admiration /_______________ , whether or not anyone has the chutzpah to actually comment (I really and honestly hope you do). Plus, it’s a relief in general.
Ya know that policy the Army has? You know the one, where you can’t ask or tell something something? Well, fortunately for us, Alan got out on August 1st. So now he can both ask and tell, and so can I. I’ve managed to avoid mentioning it for so long. I love and admire him for it, it’s something that makes him uniquely him. I’ve know about it since we were kids, and it’s never bothered me or done anything to dissuade me that he’s my one and only.
He told his family while we were home, which was obvs very important for him. The part where he tells the world has been both essential and very hard for him, since he’s had to hide it so fiercely the past 6 years. He’d never really dealt with it in high school, and he signed that dotted line at 17, so this was a big big big deal for him. My heart warms just imagining the courage it must have taken. I’ve been prodding him out of the closet for months, which is part of why I’ve been absent from the internet. It’s been emotional at times, both for each of us individualy, and as a married couple.
Personally, I never really bothered with the whole “coming out” thing. I never really cared. I sort of knew forever, I’m still hella attracted to women (infinitely moreso when drunk), and it never seemed like something I needed to tell my family (or the internet) in a you-should-probably-sit-down-for-this kind of way. To me, it’s just fun. Had I wound up with a woman, I would have introduced her to them, and they would have loved me for it anyway.
Then again, I never held a position that would have gone to the lengths of creating a whole separate regulation so that they could fire me specifically based on my sexual orientation.
I sort of believe that sexuality is more of a continuum, and less a limited number of boxes into which we all fit neatly. Wherever we fall depends on several things, including both biology and life experience. But that’s just my view.
So now, when we go out and he slobbers all over the SUPER HOT Thursday bartender, I can mention it casually without it effecting how people perceive his ability to do his job. When I take photos on Halloween, I can post ALL the pictures, instead of just the ones for which he won’t face incrimination at work. And maybe you kids out there in milspouse land can consider the idea that, sometimes, even tough guys like Best Rangers are partially gay.
Would it be really disappointing if I said I wasn’t surpised? If so, I’m really sorry. I’m glad Alan is at a place in his life where he can be honest about who he is attracted to no matter if that person is a boy or a girl.
Best. Post. Ever.
You know what? GOOD FOR Y’ALL. And thanks for having the moxie to share it with the world- you two are amazing and wonderful and I’m giving you MAD crazy props right now. I am thrilled that you both can be honest about who you are and shout it from the rooftops if you want- because all that matters is what makes you two happy and being true to yourselves. Kudos and congratulations! *Muwah!*
Courage-also known as bravery, will, intrepidity, and loyalty, is the ability to confront fear, pain, risk/danger, uncertainty, or intimidation.
Y’all are too kind. And thanks for all the supportive emails, too.
And Ally – I’ll admit, I drop a lot of hints.
Hooray! Good for you guys
I know it takes balls to do something like this, especially when you have a military past, and I can’t imagine how hard it is to keep something that big inside. I’m with Tucker on this one — you two both seem like such amazing people, and I’m glad that you can be FULLY honest and happy! So, loves and hugs to you guys!! 
I read this to P over the phone. We love y’all and are so happy that he’s able to be his 100% true self now <3
I expect some good pink ranger jokes from P
God, you two are so gay.
Free to be you. Awesomeness.
Amy; You have my unconditional love and support, in fact, you both do!
You left a lot of unanswered questions out there.
where is this going? How did you both get here? We are all confused(the older generation).
I love you Amy and Alan!
Granny, I can only attempt to tackle that one.
First and foremost: we are not getting a divorce and we aren’t “opening” our marriage. The simple act of coming out has relieved a lot of the stresses and fears that we’ve experienced over the last couple of months.
And then for my part…
I had my suspicions about my sexuality from as early as 9 years old. Since Amy was a great friend of mine since I was 15, she knew about my struggles. Although I had some “encounters” in my young life, I refused to accept the fact that I was gay. It’s melodramatic to say that I joined the army to cure it, but I did expect to be cured in the long run. And so, over the course of my 5 years in the army, I pretended that I was fixing my sexuality and becoming straight. Under this pretense, I told Amy that the whole gay thing was just a phase that I had gotten over. And then we fell in love and got married.
Right around the time that we moved to Louisiana, I realized that the army hadn’t fixed my sexuality and that I didn’t care anymore. I looked over all the things I had accomplished in the army with pride, and realized that they had nothing to do with my sexuality. Although this was a relief, it raised a lot of questions in my brain. For months my biggest fear was that I needed some “gay phase” before I could truly be happy.
It took a lot of brooding before I finally started talking to Amy about it. We started to experience these fears together, especially as I began to feel a sense of urgency to act out on my impulses.
When we got to San Francisco, we thought it would be best if I saw a psychologist about my situation. Over the course of several months of therapy, I realized that this sense of urgency had less to do with my actual attraction to other men, and more to do with the fact that I’d been suppressing these feelings my whole life. I decided that it was time to come out.
Amy as been absolutely amazing in supporting me through this. If anything this endeavor has strengthened our relationship, and shown me that there is nothing we can’t withstand.
It took me way too long to get the ‘r kelly’ tag.
yeah. he’s… he’s in the closet.
Greatings, Super post, Need to mark it on Digg
Bottomless
Amy hasn’t only been your best friend and wife, she’s been your shepherd along the life path. I’m very glad you’ve come out, and that the two of you have a love that grounds you both.
In the meantime, there is much time and a lot of life out there to enjoy. Continue to bask in and be beacons of love and gratitude for one another and others who cross your path. We are after all, just that. Congratulations on your honesty and friendship.
Yaaay!
I leave the Internet for a few weeks and all kinds of cool stuff happens!
I can only imagine the relief you both are feeling. You are awesome. Not that it’s all about us, but thanks for trusting your readers with the happy news.
Awesome guys
While we didn’t know each other much, I know a lot of what you went through, at least growing up in that suburban wasteland with no support, incentives or even acknowledgment for what you are. I was a big f’ing mess myself for a long time because of it and I can only imagine how much worse it was in the army. The good thing is you will be that much wiser and will have a perspective that not many people have (even if it’s a bit cynical), something I’ve actually been pretty thankful for. Use it to your advantage and remember you don’t owe the world a damn thing regarding what you are…and remember that you’ve got a whole life ahead of you.
PS – Sean has job interviews in San Fran and Sacramento next week and I’ll be on the hunt soon, w00t!
I love you all. It is a relief, yes. And i love how openly you all embrace this concept. I was fairly sure more people would be all WAIT HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK. But it does. Oh, it does.
Thanks for the support Ryan. We hope you two make it out here (maybe this time we’ll actually be able to deliver the flash mob instead of an empty street)